Books : The 10 Best Questions for Living with Alzheimer's : Excerpts

Introduction

The most important questions are often the ones you didn't know to ask. Even the best doctors in the world can't give you the right answers unless you ask them the right questions first.

But how do you know what the right questions are? "Ask your doctor." You've heard it a million times, but do you really know what to ask? What if you don't know very much about Alzheimer's disease yet, feel intimidated by your doctor's expertise, or just feel simply overwhelmed by this diagnosis?

More than ten years ago, when my mother suffered a major heart attack, I felt overwhelmed. As I nervously watched her vital sign monitors bounce around, it occurred to me that I didn't know what to ask the doctors about her condition. In that moment of total helplessness, the only thing I could control was my questions. But I just didn't know what to ask.

I vowed to learn how to ask better questions. When I started taking my mom to her follow-up doctor appointments, I spent time researching her medical options and planning questions for her doctor. I wanted to be a well-informed consumer for her sake so that I could make sure she was getting the very best care possible.

This experience sparked my interest in questioning skills. As I read about questions, I was surprised to learn how little attention most people pay to them. It seems that our society is so focused on solutions and answers that we rarely ever stop to first consider the quality of our questions.

I started teaching questioning skills as part of my graduate-level business classes in Washington, D.C., and Perth, Australia. My students liked it so much that I developed the concept of "The 10 Best Questions" as a way for them to learn questioning skills, team dynamics, and research skills all at once. Since 2003, I've taught hundreds of students who have interviewed thousands of experts. For example, my students have researched what to ask when you buy a house, get engaged, adopt a dog, hire a financial planner, invest in stocks, retire, plan a wedding, start a diet, and have great sex.

To learn more about questions, I conducted a series of interviews with top question askers to understand their secrets. Helen Thomas, the legendary White House reporter, is famous for her press conference questions to every president since John F. Kennedy. She told me, "Before a news conference I would think, What's the best question to ask? I have the courage of ignorance in my questions. I always get nervous, figuring out what to ask a president. But I believe you have to be curious and keep asking why."

Peter Block, an international management consultan and the author of the book The Answer to How Is Yes, said, " There's a deeper meaning to asking questions. It's a stance you take in the world, a desire to make contact and get connected."

I talked with many professional interviewers like Susan Sikora, a TV talk show host in San Francisco; New York radio host Debbie Nigro; and Richard Koonce, a journalist and consultant in Brookline, Massachusetts. Each responded with a version of "You are only as good as the questions you ask." For information specific to this book, I also interviewed experts in Alzheimer's, relationships, long-term care, stress, communication skills, financial planning, and caregivers, as well as two former U.S. surgeon generals.

So, who are the best question askers? They are smart, curious, and fearless, yet humble enough to learn from someone else. They value listening and inquiry. Great question askers see every person they meet as a walking encyclopedia of valuable information just waiting to be unlocked by the right questions. And finally, as Albert Einstein once said, "The difference between me and everyone else is my ability to ask the right questions."

The 10 Best Questions in this book won't make you an instant Einstein. And as the Question Doctor, I certainly don't claim any Einstein-like brilliance. I simply believe that a good mind knows the right answers, but a great mind knows the right questions. Now that great mind is yours. This book is "for smarties," not dummies.

Each chapter is a list of the 10 Best Questions derived from as many as 840 questions for that topic and from dozens of books, journals, and Web sites. Each Best Question really had to earn the right to be best by being cited many times. After each question, I've included the "best answers" my experts provided and from my own research so you'll know when you are hearing the full story. The information in this book should not replace medical guidance or professional counseling services.

There is one more question per chapter that I call "The Magic Question." A Magic Question is the one that even smart people rarely think to ask because it's a gut-level question without an obvious answer. Oftentimes, Magic Questions are the ones you think about later and wish you had asked.

In writing this book, I've taken a practical and holistic approach to researching the Best Questions to make you a best-informed patient or caregiver. My focus is to help your key decisions, choices, and relationships by suggesting what you can ask your doctors, medical experts, partner, family, friends, and ultimately yourself after a diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease.

Your lifetime prescription for good health is to stay informed. Former Surgeon General Dr. C. Everett Koop told me in an interview, "There's nothing that will lead to better medical care than a knowledgeable patient." Skip around and read the chapters most relevant to your needs at each stage of the disease.

The 10 Best Questions in this book give you the actual script and best answers in hand for each major conversation and decision you will soon be facing. At the same time, be sure to ask plenty of your own questions, too. As question guru Helen Thomas concludes, "There's no such thing as a bad question, only a lot of bad answers."

The Question Doctor sincerely hopes the Best Questions and answers in this book will give you personal strength and empower you and your loved ones with the knowledge to live as well as possible with Alzheimer's disease.