It’s hard work being a liberal these days. When you hate things most Americans love, it’s tiring to have to endlessly correct/educate/fix/enlighten the poor dullards out there who just want to enjoy their lives. But it’s not too late, liberals, to join the fun! C’mon, crack open a Bud and throw another T-bone on the grill. But kindly check your disdain at the door when it comes to:
WALMART: How about a handmade, locally sourced flat-screen television instead?
STEAKHOUSES: There’s no steamed tofu on this menu.
MCDONALD’S: The stranger in the playground handing out candy to children.
FLAG PINS: It’s okay to love America, but not enough to wear it on your lapel.
FOOTBALL: War with cleats and pads.
THE V-8 ENGINE: There’s just something plain wrong about all that power and
freedom under the control of one person.
SUCCESS: When you make more money than the rest of us, it hurts our feelings.
THE FOUNDING FATHERS: A bunch of old white guys who are making it nearly
impossible for modern government to pick our doctors, teach our children, correct our
diets, and save our money.
. . . and 42 other darn good reasons to lock the doors, crank up the A/C, turn on the game,
and let the countdown begin. . . .