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Excerpts

Introduction

There are two kinds of babies in the world: the cute, cuddly, cherubic bundles of joy and the real ones. This book is for parents who are thinking of having, who are near having, or who have recently had a real baby. Even if you want the other kind, chances are that you will get a real, crying, screaming, nerve-shredding baby instead.

While most books marking your baby's milestones concentrate on minor events like Baby's First Word, and Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Tattoo lets you relive the unforgettable moments in your baby's life that are too often ignored: Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's First Dirt-Eating, Baby's First Test of Wills.

Unlike the old-fashioned baby books you will find in your parents' attic, this book is meant to be filled out beyond page four, and will also give you a timely warning as to what new hell you can expect from your child next. Will today be the day you make two visits to the emergency room or just your First Panic Call to Poison Control?

People often say to me, "If babies are such a bother and a burden, why do people keep having them?" And I say, "Because they have poor memories." To which they say, "What were we just talking about?"

The other reason is that parents, quite naturally, like to brag about their children. They play up the good things and avoid the bad. You will always hear about Billy's first step. You will rarely hear about Billy's first day in juvenile court, even if you were one of his victims. You will most definitely hear about Betty's first haircut, yet the day she bit the neighbor kid so hard he needed stitches in his hand is somehow glossed over. Baby's First Tattoo presents life with a new child the way it really is, not the way it should be.

Text copyright © 2002 by Jim Mullen