Bro Code for Parents
What to Expect When You're Awesome
You might be asking yourself a series of important questions:
Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford this? • Can I ever have sex again?
Well, the answer to all these questions is a rock-solid no. But just because your existence is now a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn’t mean your kid has to be as lame as you’re about to become. That’s why I’ve written this book—to teach you how to be an awesomommy or legendaddy.
The Bro Code for Parents will help you:
Choose a baby name that won’t get your kid stuffed into a junior high locker •
Interview and hire a smokin’ hot nanny • Teach your child instant classics like “The Boobs on the Bus” and “Bro, Bro, Bro Your Boat”
With full-color illustrations, interactive work sheets, and even suggestions for how to turn a stroller into a broller, The Bro Code for Parents gives you all the tools you’ll need to raise your child to be almost as awesome as I am. Almost.
Read an Excerpt
WHY I WROTE THIS AWESOME BOOK
You might be wondering why I, Barney “the Cooter King” Stinson, have written a book about pregnancy and parenthood when I’m not a father and have, in fact, spent the lion’s share of my adult life cunningly avoiding exactly this type of life-destroying affliction. The answer is simple: money, bitches! Just kidding. I also wrote it because when my good friends Marshall and Lily gave birth to their first child, I realized that without me he’d never learn important lifelong skills like “setting insects on fire” or “learning to go upskirt” or...see more
GOLDISLUT AND THE THREE BROS
nce upon a time there were three Bros: Barney Bro, Marshall Bro, and Ted Bro. They were going out later for what would no doubt be another legendary night and decided to go pound some shots at the bar to get properly psyched.
Just then Goldislut, a blond hottie who lived upstairs, wandered into their pad, looking to borrow some sugar, if you know what I mean. She decided to sit down and wait for the Bros to get back. Barney’s chair was too hard (what up!), Ted’s chair was too soft, and Marshall’s chair was okay I guess, though it leans awkwardly to the left...see more
Hear an Excerpt
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