WHY I WROTE THIS AWESOME BOOK
You might be wondering why I, Barney “the Cooter King” Stinson, have written a book about pregnancy and parenthood when I’m not a father and have, in fact, spent the lion’s share of my adult life cunningly avoiding exactly this type of life-destroying affliction. The answer is simple: money, bitches! Just kidding. I also wrote it because when my good friends Marshall and Lily gave birth to their first child, I realized that without me he’d never learn important lifelong skills like “setting insects on fire” or “learning to go upskirt” or “strategic...
GOLDISLUT AND THE THREE BROS
nce upon a time there were three Bros: Barney Bro, Marshall Bro, and Ted Bro. They were going out later for what would no doubt be another legendary night and decided to go pound some shots at the bar to get properly psyched.
Just then Goldislut, a blond hottie who lived upstairs, wandered into their pad, looking to borrow some sugar, if you know what I mean. She decided to sit down and wait for the Bros to get back. Barney’s chair was too hard (what up!), Ted’s chair was too soft, and Marshall’s chair was okay I guess, though it leans awkwardly to the left and he should really get that...