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Excerpts

Contents

Chapter I
The Brassiere
There's to Be No Fornication
The Young Gentleman

Chapter II
Arrival
The Next Event
The Opera
The Extra Man
Otto Bellman and His Gang of Swiss Yodelers

Chapter III
I Felt Connected to Women All Over America
Porky Pig Fell Off a Cliff
An International Agreement on the Virtues of Chastity
The Recession Spankologist
Hot for Cockroach, Cold for Lead
Are You Jewish?
One of the Greatest Hoaxes of All Time

Chapter IV
We All Wanted to Be That Femme Fatale
I Met Someone Jewish
Americans Are Too Concerned with Athletics
Deep in Queens

Chapter V
The Jewish Duke of Windsor
Were There Animals?
This Is Only a Tape Recording
The Queen Has Fifty Rooms

Chapter VI
Four Gap-Toothed Dairy Maidens
Fort Schuyler
Breasts, Please
Cut Off Your Hair Like Salome
You'll Get an Erection and Then What Will I Do?
You've Brought So Much Toilet Paper into My Life

Chapter VII
Fleas, Cars, and Florida
The Whole City Has Fleas
He Saw a Piece of Cheese and Made Havoc with It

Chapter VIII
Straightish
My Analyst, Gershon Gruen
I Felt Something Under My Rear
Are You Having BMs?
The Essential Man

Chapter IX
Whatever Happened to Danny Kaye?
The Men Are Still in Charge Down There

Chapter X
She Wanted Me
People Are Dying, New Ones Are Coming Up
Otto Bellman Collects His Mail
Brassiere Revisited
Deep in Bay Ridge
All the Queens Were Dead

Chapter XI
I Was Like Don Quixote and Sancho Panza
That's All I Have to Say About America
The Life of a Fugitive
I Was Like Lady Macbeth
That's Very Good Cheese He's Eating
Lagerfeld Is Back In
A Tie Is Dipped

Chapter XII
It's Your Fellow Old People Who Tear You Down
Daphne Wants to Drink Cough Medicine and Smoke Cigarettes
Thank You, Dear Boy
Life Rushes By
You Look Practically Middle Class
A Girl as I Must Have First Imagined Girls
Russia