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From Chapter 8:he's just not into you if he's breaking up with you

The "But He Misses Me" Excuse

Dear Greg,

My boyfriend and I had been dating for two years, living together for one. We started fighting and having all sorts of problems. He broke up with me three weeks ago and I moved out. Of course, I'm devastated. The thing is, he calls me all the time. He wants to chat. He asks about my friends, and wants to know how my family is. He likes to keep up with the little details of my life, just as if we were going out. My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again. What do you think?

Brenda

Dear Misty Watered Colored Memories,

So glad he likes to keep up with the Way You Were. Who doesn't need another phone pal, especially since you have a new phone and a new apartment? Put him on hold and listen to me, missy: A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person. If he's not trying to romance your socks off with dates, flowers, and poetry, it should only be because he's too engrossed with his couples counseling workbooks and is prioritizing getting back on the right track. If he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him really know what it's like to live without you.

Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

Text copyright © 2004 by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo