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From Chapter 10: he's just not that into you if he's married (and other insane variations of being unavailable)

The "But His Wife Is Such a Bitch" Excuse

Dear Greg,

I'm dating my married boss. We've kept it on the down-low so no one will find out about it. I really, really love him, and he loves me. I know it's wrong to date a married man, but his wife is so awful to him. She calls him names and tells him that he's stupid. They never have sex. He tells me that I'm the only thing keeping him going. How can I leave him when he's going through such a hard time and I love him so much?

Blaire

Hey, Down-Low,

Really? We're having this conversation? I'm really going to have to explain to you why you shouldn't be dating a married man? Well, okay: Here is the lowdown on your boss. He's married and having an affair, which indicates to me so many things. First, he's okay with being dishonest. (Nice.) Second, he's fine with cheating on his wife. (Super.) Third, he has no regard for his marriage. (What a gem.) Fourth and most specifically to you, he has no real regard for you, because what you're getting from him is scraps -- stolen time that's cloaked in shame. (Just what you always dreamed of as a girl, right?) And because this is a workplace affair, who do you think will be asked to leave when the romance goes sour or becomes watercooler fodder that threatens his job and/or marriage? You. And whose reputation as a serious businessperson will be compromised? Did you guess you? Good girl. Regardless of how much his marriage sucks or how awful his wife is to him, it obviously isn't that bad or he would get out of it. A good relationship should not be lived in secrecy. Go find yourself one worth living out loud.

I know things seem a lot easier when your affair is with a man whose wife is an evil, shrieking, insulting hag. No matter what their relationship or circumstances are, you are still helping a man cheat on his wife. Let's agree you're better than that.

Text copyright © 2004 by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo