Books > Humor for the Holidays >

Excerpts

Contents

Chapter 1: Christmas Is Coming, Tra-La, Tra-La...

All I Want for Christmas Is a Parking Place -- Dave Barry

The Best-Laid Plans -- Karen Scalf Linamen

Thanksgiving Rolls Around, and So Do the Dishes -- Marti Attoun

A Thanksgiving Recipe -- G. Ron Darbee

Who Needs Cookbooks When You've Got a Phone? -- Marti Attoun

On Wings Like Turkeys -- Chris Fabry

Fowl Play! (How Not to Be a Turkey at the Thanksgiving Table) -- Marti Attoun

When You Need a Little Christmas...Now -- Becky Freeman

Shop 'Til You Drop -- Karen Scalf Linamen

Chapter 2: The Chaos Theory of Christmas

But Can She Drive a Sleigh? -- Shirley Temple

Christmas, a Labor of Love -- Karen Scalf Linamen

Lights, Camera...Too Much Action -- Jim Killam

A So-Called Tree and Thee -- Charlene Ann Baumbich

Dear Santa -- Debbie Farmer

Merry Christmas (with Cramps) -- Jack Hayford

Are You Sure the Wise Men Wore Turtlenecks? -- Martha Bolton

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas -- Karen Scalf Linamen

See Mother, Funny, Funny Mother -- Author unknown

Chapter 3: The Gift of Christmas

Separating the Men from the Boys -- Lee Daniel Quinn

Things Never to Give Your Wife for Christmas -- Author unknown

Things Never to Give Your Husband for Christmas -- Author unknown

Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Slippers -- Lynn Bowen Walker

What Goes Up Must Come Down -- Martha Bolton

The Gift That Keeps On Giving (Unfortunately) -- Dave Meurer

Christmas Shenanigans -- Robert Hansen

Show Me the Money -- C. Ellen Watts

Gifts That Make Mom a Packrat -- Martha Bolton

Putting the "X" in X-mas -- Paul M. Hampton

Gifts That Keep on Giving (Me a Headache) -- Patsy Clairmont

Some Assembly Required (and a Little Prozac Wouldn't Hurt Either) -- Martha Bolton

Gift-Giving Misgivings -- Tim Wildmon

Chapter 4: Peas on Earth...and Other Tasty Holiday Tidbits

Good Stuff(ing) -- Author unknown

All Fired Up for the Ladies' Christmas Coffee -- Becky Freeman

A Turkey of a Dinner -- Jana Kaumeyer

Where's the Fire? -- Martha Bolton

Baking Cookies? Bah! Humbug! -- Tina Krause

'Tis the Season -- G. Ron Darbee

Holiday Memories -- Dale Hanson Bourke

Is the Turkey Burned Yet? -- Martha Bolton

The Call of the Popcorn -- Becky Freeman

When Is a Leg Like an Ear? -- Mary Wanda Little

Let There Be Peas on Earth -- Laura Jensen Walker

Chapter 5: The Spirit of Christmas

Just in Time for Christmas -- Johnny Carson

No Wonder Jesus Loves the Little Children -- Christy Ehmann

An Imperfect Christmas -- Dave Meurer

Christmas without Grandma Kay -- Robin Jones Gunn

We Two Kings... -- Martha Bolton

A Christmas for One -- Dave Meurer

The Last Gift -- Phil Callaway

Chapter 6: Until Next Year...

Make Every Day "Christmas" -- Charles Dickens

The Secret to Foolproof Resolutions -- Karen Scalf Linamen

'Twas the Thirty Days after Christmas -- Charlene Ann Baumbich

Contributors

Source Notes