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I'll Never Have Sex with You Again!

I'll Never Have Sex with You Again!

Tales from the Delivery Room

FORGET EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT CHILDBIRTH. THIS IS REALITY, WITH BELLY LAUGHS.
"I'll Never Have Sex with You Again!" chronicles birthin' babies like nothing ever before. Told by moms, dads, OB/GYNS, labor nurses and the people next door, its stories give new meaning to the phrase "up close and personal." And many celebrities -- from Nikki Sixx to Faith Hill, Lucy Lawless to Phyllis Diller, Erin Brockovich to Peggy Noonan -- let down their guard and prove that the delivery room is definitely a no-spin zone. Read all about
The birthing mom who watches helplessly as a sexy labor nurse tries to seduce her husband.
The mother-in-law/M.D. wanna-be who seizes the forceps and orders the doctor to get the show on the road!
The new dad who suffers a concussion during a crib-assembly mishap and first glimpses his infant as he's being wheeled into the emergency room.
The woman who had to be knocked out cold by a baseball to discover she was pregnant.
The dad who misses his daughter's birth when he runs home to change into a suit and tie.
The woman in labor who discovers an old flame will administer her epidural, and opts to tough it out -- sans anesthesia!
Heartwarming and hilarious, these 100-plus stories will thrill moms, mothers-to-be or anyone even thinking about having a baby.
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  • Touchstone | 
  • 224 pages | 
  • ISBN 9780743214643 | 
  • May 2002
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List Price $16.95
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Read an Excerpt

Chapter 1: I Am Not Out of Control!

Ladies, there's one time in your life when you get a free pass for outrageous behavior, and this is it.

Here's how some moms let fly with thoughts, words and actions.


C'MON, ADMIT IT --

YOU REALLY ENJOYED THAT SHAVE

Jeannine Schwing is my (Irene's) sister, mom to Paul and Cate and one of the funniest people we know. Of course she'd have something to say about her delivery.

I'm terrified of hospitals. Even if I just drive past one, my heart races and I feel sick to my stomach. When I became pregnant, I blocked the hospital part from my mind and imagined the... see more
Introduction

Eureka moments always strike at the oddest times. There I was, legs splayed by stirrups, privates exposed and a 6-pound, 13-ounce creature ramming its head at my cervix. A pain coursed through my body that made me pray for death. And then my husband and my obstetrician nearly came to blows.

I thought, Wouldn't this make a funny book?

Let me back up a bit: A few days before my due date, my doctor -- the one I had interviewed for the job, the one I thought understood me and my unborn child -- decided to mention that he'd be plying the Greek isles during my baby's birth. He walked me to the office of his... see more

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