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The Last Testament

The Last Testament

A Memoir

By God
Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multitalented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post–Simon Cowell era. Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is the ultimate celebrity autobiography.
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  • Simon & Schuster | 
  • 464 pages | 
  • ISBN 9781451640199 | 
  • October 2012
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It Getteth Better -- GOD

GOD, who just recently penned his memoir, THE LAST TESTAMENT, expresses his support of the LGBT community with his "It Getteth Better" message.

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1In the beginning, I took a lunch with Daniel Greenberg of the Levine Greenberg Literary Agency.

2 For the future of print was without hope, and void; and darkness had fallen upon the face of the entire publishing industry.

3 So one day Daniel, my agent, whom I have been with forever; by which I do not mean literally “forever,” as I started out unrepresented, but a good 25 years or so;

4 Anyway, Daniel got us a table at Balthazar; for he knows someone there.

5 So we met, and exchanged pleasantries, and sat down, and caught up; and in time I coyly came around to asking... see more

1In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.”

2 Yea; that takes me back.

3 Back to the first day of creation; the day when, in a sense, it all began for me;

4 The day I tossed aside the idleness of my early eons, to take on the honor, responsibility, and privilege of being the LORD thy God, King of the Universe.

5 I remember that day like it was yesterday, though to be sure it was not yesterday; rather it was ages ago, across an unfathomable sea of time whose meagerest inlet exceeds the ken of human understanding.

6 It was October 23, 4004 B.C.

7... see more

1The most important thing about undertaking a large-scale building project such as a universe, is to divide it into small, manageable action items.

2 For if thou seest it as a single large operation, thou art bound to become discouraged, and say to thyself, “Oh, I shall never manage to build a whole universe in six days; it is just too darn hard.”

3 So knowing the pitfalls of this approach, I banished it from my thinking from day one (Day One), and laid the week out as a series of attainable goals: the first being the relatively simple task, of creating the heavens and the earth.
... see more

1But before I speak of humanity’s earliest ancestors, I must here address a subject of great importance to all seekers of truth; but particularly those seekers of truth, who are tenth-graders in Kansas.

2 Over the last several hundred years, scientists have uncovered an obscene amount of evidence in support of the theory of evolution expounded by Charles Darwin.

3 And each such piece of evidence has seemingly revealed a new and more profound inconsistency between reality, and the account of Creation offered in Genesis.

4 Now, I know many of my faithful servants have labored... see more

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More Books from this Author

A new book of the Bible devoted to the unholy life and times of Justin Bieber, penned by the Bieb's #1 fan and popular Twitter personality, @TheTweetOfGod.It has been nearly 2,000 years since anyone has written a new book of the Bible. Now @TheTweetOfGod, the Twitter account belong to the Lord thy God King of the Universe, ends that literary dry spell with The Book of Bieb, which tells in chapter-and-verse format the story of the rise and fall of Justin Bieber, the only begotten Son of God. This...
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About the Author

© Michael Cogliantry


God has been grabbing headlines ever since first creating the universe. Indeed, the multi-talented deity has been involved in the development of every single thing that has ever happened, including the Crusades, plate tectonics, and Seinfeld. His previous serious works as an author, The Old Testament, The New Testament, and The Koran, have sold an impressive 5 billion copies, with the first two in particular coming to be collectively regarded as something of a bible of their field.




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