Books > Mystic Cool > Excerpts

It is not in the words. It is not subject to will. It is birds singing, air moving gently, story coming and going, breath flowing, back aching, heart beating, sun shining, beholding it all in silence with an open heart that does not go anywhere.
Toni Packer

The first quality of Mystic Cool is attention. It is the capacity to engage quietly with whatever we are facing and to be fully present in the moment. It is what Eckhart Tolle defined as "the quiet sense of our own presence, our own aliveness that flows into whatever we happen to be doing." Quietly engaged, fully present means we are focused in a way that is spacious. Our openness gives us greater access to information, and our patience with the process enables us to sense the larger relationship emerging from details and to intuit the direction in which things are moving. The obstacle that thwarts this quality of attention is all the racket a mind under stress produces. It is an incessantly thinking, judgmental mind, distracted from the present by pointless preoccupations with the baggage of the past and worries about the future. Shifting these mind-made distortions involves returning our attention to the present moment, quieting the mind, and fearlessly engaging whatever we face.

For most of us, a quiet, fully present moment tends to happen by accident more than by intention. Something external stills the mind -- a sunset, the sound of rain beating on the roof, a deer grazing in a meadow, the motion of the sea, and even something as simple as wind chimes. These are dynamically peaceful encounters that have the power to create an unexpected epiphany. However, our more common mode of thinking is rather incessant.

Incessant thinking can generate all sorts of stressful events, purely in our heads, exciting disturbing emotions that activate a stress reaction, all without anything concrete having actually happened. Our mind can become a nonstop voice, commenting on everything. It has a penchant for taking sides and, at times, is known to reverse its position for no apparent reason. It often points a finger at someone and, in the next breath, turns the same criticism on us. It has been estimated that the average person thinks sixty thousand thoughts a day, 90 percent of which are repetitive. "You are never alone," wrote Byron Katie. "Wherever you are, whomever you're with, the voice in your head goes with you, whispering, nagging, enticing, judging, shaming, guilt tripping, or even yelling at you."

The "thinking" mind takes for granted that it is who we are, and we tend to go along. In the mental confusion it generates, we find it next to impossible to locate a meaningful sense of self. The thinking mind thinks: I am you, and your life is this story I am telling you and constantly revising. It is the mind-made, brain-made story that Shakespeare called a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, and signifying nothing.

Few forms of expression can become as histrionic as incessant thinking. Below is an example. As you read it, infuse it with the same exaggerated emotion you might experience on a tense ride to work with your brain racing from a venti-size cup of Starbucks coffee.

@#$%^&*()_+!!! Got a meeting with George at ten, and the stuff at the cleaners, can't forget that even though I don't want to go to that party, why is she making me go? I just want to come home and put my feet up. I need to prepare for George, I don't get his agenda, and what about that tie he wore last week? Is he color-blind? Oh, got to call Linda about lunch, she'll probably make me pay again, she just sits there when the check comes, I hate that. So what do I need to do to prepare for George? I should finish that report, and the brown shoes with the black suit, does he even look in the mirror in the morning? He needs to lose weight. Oh no, I didn't bring my gym bag, not again, oh there it is, thank god, I got to go today, I'm putting on weight, it's so hopeless, weight off weight right back on, NO CARBS TODAY AND NO SUGAR EITHER!!! @#$%^&*()_+@#$%^&*()_+@#$%^ &*()+@#$%^&*()+@#$%^&*()+@#$%^&*()

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This stream of consciousness is really a stream of unconsciousness that never seems to stop. The pointlessly preoccupied narrative you just read could go on for three more pages and not capture the incessant thinking that can happen on the walk from the parking lot to our office. We think so incessantly that the notion that we could turn it off and be still seems impossible. Sometimes, usually late at night, we can paint ourselves into a tight corner with a stream of fearful thinking. If, by some act of grace, we are able to escape it, we realize, looking back from a safer shore, that much of what we thought was delusional. It was largely painful thoughts generating fearful images that batter us into feeling separate and alone in a hostile world. "[Incessant thinking] comes between you and yourself," wrote Eckhart Tolle, "between you and your fellow man and woman, between you and nature, between you and God."

We cannot escape this form of mind by trying to figure it out. We cannot change it or will it away. We can, however, transcend it. "When thoughts are whirling about," wrote meditation teacher Toni Packer, "we can let them be like dancing snowflakes in empty space." If we could acquire a little more space between thoughts, meaning a little more peace and quiet between the fears that haunt us, it is inevitable that we will feel increasingly safer, happier, and neurologically, gain more and more access to the enormous power of our brain. Who, in their right mind, would not volunteer for that?

We are going to practice watching the thinker to see if there is an exit we can find that leads away from all the noise into a quiet, open space. The Sufi poet Rumi wrote: "Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there." The purpose of this exercise is to take us out beyond the chatter in our mind to see if there actually is a quieter, saner field of experience inside of us.

1. Sit or lie comfortably. Close your eyes. All you are asked to do is observe. Simply be with whatever your mind generates. Notice what you are thinking, feeling, and perceiving. Don't become involved in the thoughts. Don't judge them or try to change them. Simply observe.

2. If your mind gets lost in a proliferation of thought or makes judgments and evaluations, observe this. Notice the thoughts that come and go, the residue of emotion they carry, and the pictures they paint. Stand back from it and simply notice. At first, it may seem there is nothing but chatter and chaos. Do not judge or condemn what you hear.

3. The mind will present you with the impulse to do something other than this process. Ignore that impulse and bring your attention to the breath.

4. The body will demand attention. Ignore this as well, returning attention to the breath.

5. After a few minutes of consciously observing, you will begin to sense the aspect of mind that is doing the observing. You will begin to reach beyond the chatter, simply by witnessing it.

6. Soon you realize: There is a voice chattering away, and I am simply observing it, neutrally. "This I am realization," stated Eckhart Tolle, "this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond the mind."

7. Recall Rumi's words once again: "Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."

8. Meet yourself in Rumi's field. Relax into the unencumbered space of being. Allow it to expand with each breath. It is the gateway to a quiet mind, setting you free to simply be.

Starting the morning with the Watching the Thinker process can change the quality of your day. All that is required is fifteen minutes. It is, in part, a classroom for bringing our stress pattern into greater awareness. It offers a kind of laboratory for observing the reactive thoughts, feelings, and perceptions that generate stress. We see firsthand how easily these proliferate when we attach to them, and how, just as easily, they pass into oblivion when we detach nonjudgmentally, by returning our attention to the breath. Through the process we begin to understand with greater clarity that emotions are not facts, thoughts are not truth, perception is not reality, and none of it is essentially you. Thich Nhat Hahn, the Vietnamese monk whom Martin Luther King Jr. nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, recommends adding gratitude to the process. "Every morning, when we wake up," he wrote, "we have twenty-four brand new hours to live. What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others."

As we have seen, most stress reactions begin with fearful thinking. When we collapse the thought pattern, before it proliferates into negative emotions and perceptions of threat, we can thwart a stress reaction. Normally, at work it is not possible to take a fifteen-minute break to quiet the mind. But here is a shortcut we can use. It is called "The Clear Button."

Imagine for a moment that you are speaking with someone and the discussion is beginning to cause you some anxiety. You are worried that a decision is taking shape that you do not favor. You begin to feel edgy, and a pattern of defensive thinking starts to surface. Losing your composure is the last thing you want. The Clear Button is a tool that can collapse the escalating pattern of stress.

1. Become aware of the stress you are feeling.

2. Notice the thinking process that is driving the stress you experience.

3. Imagine a button on your chest or palm that ends thinking.

4. This kinetic property is important, so locate the imagined button on your body.

5. Take three easy breaths, counting them out. Imagine a different color for each number.

6. Now press your button and imagine that your mind clears completely.

7. Focus attention on the next two breaths and relax as you softly exhale.

8. Bring your awareness into the present moment and quietly notice the quality of aliveness restored in you.

9. With this simple ten-second exercise, you have busted incessant thinking and the stress it was about to escalate.

10. Re-engage with the situation and consciously choose to be at peace, regardless of circumstances or outcome, confident in the clarity your calm now affords you.

The judging mind is the second obstacle to quieting our thoughts and orienting ourselves to the present moment. As we have seen, Mars, or the emotional brain, is constantly assessing the environment, jumping to conclusions when it finds in memory even the slightest match between the current situation and a past trauma. The same emotional memory that nature evolved in animals to catalog dangerous smells, sounds, tastes, and movements has morphed in human beings to form all of our likes and dislikes, our tastes and distastes -- from people to clothes to food to mates. We have taken it a step further to form opinions, prejudices, and judgments about people and situations. At times, these judgments do not have a kind thing to say about anyone, including us. This judgmental mind compares, labels, criticizes, stereotypes, and distorts, often believing everything it thinks is true, simply because it thinks it.

Once at lunch, a friend of mine caught himself disliking a man to whom he had just been introduced. It was completely irrational. My friend did not know the man from Adam. There was no history on which to base his dislike. The man was polite and friendly, and yet my friend did not like him. It wasn't until the lunch was nearly over that it dawned on him. This man bore a likeness to a man who had caused him pain when he was younger. That was the impetus. His emotional brain had zeroed in, scanned its memory banks, and found a face that matched the man who had betrayed him. Instantly, the old feelings of pain, distrust, and dislike were evoked, placing my friend on guard. It is the way emotional memory works. Later, my friend realized the game his mind was playing. Had he not, it is likely he would have said something disparaging about this person when his back was turned. How many people we have cold-shouldered or belittled as a result of the emotional brain interpreting the present as the past? In truth, we are seeing something that is not there -- something that is not true in the present moment -- although at the time, we believe it is. Our emotional brain is reacting to the painful past, disturbing our sense of security, and it is prone to attack in some way when insecure.

Often, the person with whom we feel the most insecure, and therefore tend to judge most harshly, is ourselves. These judgments and attacks take the form of a negative inner dialogue called negative self-talk. It is perhaps the single most stress-provoking phenomenon in our lives. It can literally send the body into an uproar. Most of the negativity stems from parents who harped on what they perceived as our faults, coaches and teachers who criticized our efforts, or jealous siblings who ridiculed us to feel better about themselves. When these judgments harden into beliefs, making them seem true, we become part of what the emotional brain dislikes, meaning we do not like ourselves.

Most of what I have just described happens below conscious awareness. When the burden of our negative self-image is more than we can bear, we project it onto other people in the form of judgments. For example, a few years ago I had been eating poorly and had put on weight, nearly ten pounds. It bothered me, but I just could not discipline my eating habits. One day an old acquaintance visited me at work. I had not seen her in a couple years. She was an attractive woman but had gained an excessive amount of weight since I'd last seen her. It bothered me, but I didn't mention it. We talked pleasantly for a while, and then I walked her to the front door and hugged her goodbye. As I walked back to my office, I was judging her. She looks awful, I thought. What's the matter with her? Why doesn't she do something about her weight? My mood was actually turning to disgust for a person I valued. On the way back to my office, I stopped off at the bathroom. As I passed the large mirror over the sink, I caught a glimpse of my pudgy form and muttered under my breath, I hate you.

I had probably been saying that to myself for years, but that day I heard myself and it shocked me. Out of the blue, I remembered my uncle, who had been dead for some time. My uncle never made much of himself, and was a source of embarrassment to my mother and grandmother. As a result, whenever I came home with a poor grade or when I was lazy, my parents would admonish me with: "You are going to turn out just like your Uncle Tommie." Later in life, my uncle became obese. After that, whenever I put on weight, I worried I would end up like him.

As I stood there in front of the bathroom mirror, I suddenly understood it all. It was not fat I wanted to lose. It was the weight of failing at life, represented by my Uncle Tommie and, by extension, anyone else who was overweight. I could see that my disgust with my friend represented not only the fear but the belief that I would fail. It was a lesson that, whenever I judge, the water runs deeper than I think. When we are judging another person, we are often projecting our own negative belief about ourselves, ingrained in us by social conditioning.

Martin Seligman of University of Pennsylvania, one of the founders of positive psychology, has developed a proven way of quieting these critical voices in our head. The first step is awareness. It is recognizing the negative self-talk triggered when we make a mistake or encounter difficulty.

The following process engages a mindful inquiry into negative self-talk in order to refute it.

1. Think of the last time you made a mistake, felt embarrassed by a behavior or action, or were challenged by bad news for which you felt somehow responsible. See yourself in the place where it happened. What time of day was it? Imagine yourself transported to that moment.

2. If it involved another person, see their face, hear their voice.

3. What did you feel? Depressed, angry, shocked, defeated, stressed?

4. During or afterward, what critical, negative statements did you say to yourself?

5. Make the experience of it real. Make it vivid. Make it now.

6. When you are ready, take out a piece of paper.

7. Write at the top The Mistake or The Adversity. Then briefly describe the situation.

8. Next write the heading The Critical Voice Said. Then write down what your critical voice said. Example: I hate myself. You fool. You idiot. How could you have done that? How stupid!

9. Under this, write the heading The Belief Behind the Criticism. Then identify the belief that underlies the criticism. Example: I am irresponsible. I am stupid. I won't get this right. I am worthless. I can't be trusted.

10. Last, write the heading What Does this Mean for the Future? Write what consequences your critical voice forecasts for the future.

Now let's see if we can transcend the judging, critical mind to achieve a more optimistic self-view. We are going to challenge the critical voice.

1. What is the critical voice saying that is distorted or factually incorrect? Ask: is this critical statement about me, my character, and my ability true all the time and in all situations? Of course this is not true. So let it go by not believing it.

2. Identify what you did that was positive. Example: I made mistakes, but I also succeeded in another way, or I succeeded in this situation at another time. Document it for yourself in writing. Become your own character witness.

3. Scan for contributing factors that caused the mistake or problem. Negative self-talk puts all the blame on you. Look at the situation as a good friend would.

4. If there is some factual truth in what the critical voice states, acknowledge it. It may be a weakness you need to manage better or a blind spot you need help to see. Acknowledge it in an undefended fashion, without judging or condemning yourself. None of us are perfect.

5. Negative self-talk is often fixed on worst case scenarios, exaggerating outcomes and consequences. Ask: how likely are these dire consequences?

6. Next, recall your initial intention in this situation. Make it count. If your hopes were realized, what would the outcome be? Set this against the condemnation and bleak forecast of the critical voice. Both are mind-made. Which infuses your sense of personal power with enthusiasm, hope, and optimism? Choose between the two. The choice should be obvious.

7. Look back on this situation. Think of one positive, true quality you see in yourself that can turn the situation in a positive direction. Open yourself to this thought until it lights up with feeling. Then dedicate the rest of the day to experiencing this feeling.

Seligman stated, "Learned optimism works not through an unjustifiable positivity about the world but through the power of 'non-negative thinking.'" Joel Osteen, author of Become a Better You, counseled, "Use your words to bless your life." Strong thoughts and beliefs exist as complex neurological pathways. The more we break negative thought patterns by no longer believing them, the easier it becomes to invoke the positive. It represents an increase in neural firing, called kindling. Kindling gradually replaces negative self-talk with self-esteem.

Today, as you go out into your world, commit to judging less. Hold the intention to judge nothing that occurs today. You will find that during the day your energy will be much higher. Judging ourselves and others is stressful, and stress depletes energy.