All I did was put a flaming bag of dog poop on Mr. McGuire’s porch.
He was supposed to stomp it out and get dog doo on his shoes, then maybe wave a wrinkly fist and yell Old People Gibberish. I’d seen it in the movies a hundred times.
Well, apparently Mr. McGuire hadn’t been to the movies in a while. Instead of stomping, he attacked the fire with his newspaper. But since he was old and slow, he barely tapped the bag and the newspaper caught on fire.
“Oh, crumb,” he muttered.
Mr. McGuire waved the paper around, but of course that only made the fire spread...