Stuff
Product Details
Free Press, January 2000
Trade Paperback, 304 pages
ISBN-10: 0684863170
ISBN-13: 9780684863177
Description
Where once a young woman had to be ashamed of her sexual experience, today she is ashamed of her sexual inexperience. Where not long ago an unmarried woman was ashamed to give public evidence of sexual desire by living with someone, today she must be ashamed to give evidence of romantic desire. From sex education in grade school to coed bathrooms in college, today's young woman is being pressured relentlessly to overcome her embarrassment, her "hang-ups," and especially her romantic hopes.
Meanwhile, the problems young women struggle with grow steadily more extreme: from sexual harassment, stalking, and date rape to anorexia and self-mutilation. Both men and women endlessly lament the loss of privacy and of real intimacy. What is it all about?
Beholden neither to conservatives who discount as exaggeration the dangers facing young women, nor to feminists who steadfastly affix blame on the patriarchy, Wendy Shalit proposes that, in fact, we have lost our respect for an important classical virtue -- that of sexual modesty. A Return to Modesty is a deeply personal account as well as a fascinating intellectual exploration. From seventeenth-century manners guides to Antonio Canova's sculpture, Venus Italico, to Frank Loesser's 1948 tune, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," A Return to Modesty unfolds like a detective's search for a lost idea as Shalit uncovers opinions about this lost virtue's importance, from Balzac to Simone de Beauvoir, that have not been aired for decades. Then she knocks down the accompanying myths one by one. Female modesty is not about a "sexual double standard," as is often thought, but is related to male virtue and honor. Modesty is not a social construct, but a natural response. And modesty is not prudery, but a way to preserve a sense of the erotic in our lives.
With humor and piercing insight, Shalit invites us to look beyond the blush and consider the new power to be found in an old ideal. She maintains that the sex education curriculum forced on those of her generation from an early age is fundamentally flawed, centered as it is on overcoming reticence -- what we today call "hang-ups." Shalit surprisingly and persuasively argues that without these misnamed hang-ups there can be no true surrender, no richness and depth to relations between the sexes. The natural inclination toward modesty is not a hang-up that we should set out to cure, but rather a wonderful instinct that, if rediscovered and given the right social support, has the power to transform society.
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Browse Inside A Return to ModestyGeorge F. Will Newsweek [Shalit is] a prodigy at cracking the codes of culture....A Return to Modesty is a call for women to wield their potential power to transform society.
Florence King National Review A Return to Modesty is...so uncompromising in voice and stance that one is tempted to think of its author as Simone de Shalit or Wendy Wollstonecraft, but make no mistake: she imitates nothing and no one...Every page of this book [is] wise, fresh, and funny, sparkling with her special brand of astringent charm.
Tamala M. Edwards Time Her book has touched a nerve in a society overdosed on sex...Shalit defends...compellingly, shame, privacy, gallantry, and sexual reticence.
Ruth R. Wisse The Wall Street Journal Ms. Shalit marshals impressive evidence from philosophers as well as the tabloids to make her case for a return to modesty
-- as both a sexual ideal and a strategy for greater pleasure...[a] serious yet bouncy study.
Emily Eakin The New York Times Book Review A Return to Modesty provides one invaluable service. There is a growing body of scholarly research on young adulthood that may, in the aftermath of Shalit's booming polemic, be more difficult to ignore.
Shari Roan Los Angeles Times The book of the moment...makes a compelling case for the idea that the sexual revolution hasn't been entirely good for either women or men...Social workers, health professionals and others who bemoan the loss of "boundaries" in the lives of troubled girls will find a hopeful message in the book.
Norah Vincent Salon The first book of its kind...to blaze down the center of the postfeminist battleground between left and right.
Katie Roiphe Harper's Bazaar Intriguing...[Shalit] writes about...how not going through with something can leave a deeper imprint on your imagination than going through with it, and how we have lost the playfulness and mystery of old-fashioned courtship.
Suzanne Fields The Washington Times [An] earnest and serious book....A fascinating subject [brought] to our attention in a fresh way.
Maggie Gallagher New York Post [An] important book that every thinking young woman (and her mother) should read.
Cassandra WestChicago TribuneBrilliant...
Jonathan YardleyThe Washington Post Book WorldWendy Shalit makes a strong case that deserves respectful...attention.
Amy SohnNew York PressThe new me was chaste and modest...a born-again virgin who went ice skating with her sweetheart and then home to bed. The new me was Wendy, not Ally.
Don FederBoston HeraldWise...
Susan ReimerThe Baltimore SunA remarkably mature consideration of the history of manners between men and women....Modesty and sexual shyness are a woman's way of telling the world that what she hides is worth waiting to see. That she is rare, not common....Shalit gives voice to my gut feelings.
Barbara Dafoe WhiteheadCommonwealShalit is a fiercely intelligent and resourceful critic....We should all pay heed.
Gilbert MeilaenderThe Christian Century[Shalit] writes well, has read widely, has a keen sense for the fault lines in an argument, and is willing to buck the prevailing tides. Although this is in some respects a young woman's book written for other young women, I wonder if we ought not be recommending it to young men. They might learn from it some important lessons about masculine character and conduct in our culture.
R.S. McCainNew York PressI can scarcely do justice to this excellent book....This is a book that should be read by parents and young people alike
-- yes, boys, too.
Ariel SwartleyL.A. WeeklyI find I like Wendy Shalit very much, both as a writer and, even more, as a fierce defender of young women's right to establish boundaries of their own.
Elizabeth PowersCommentaryA powerful and witty book that registers all the changes in our social landscape in all their starkness while also illuminating many of the steps that brought us to where we are....A Return to Modesty seeks to reclaim what has been forgotten: that sex is significant....[P]artly with the aid of expert testimony from earlier and more decorous ages, but mostly through her own preternaturally sharp eyes and mind, Shalit has seen deeply into female nature, and into the malaise of a generation.
Sarah E. HinlickyFirst ThingsThis book is a bombshell....Her playful, engaging exploration of the richly nuanced concept of modesty is extensively researched and amply supported by evidence drawn from sources as diverse as Glamour and last millennium's Talmud.
Kirkus ReviewsA heartfelt (and controversial) plea....A daring book aimed at the core of contemporary gender theory....It is audacious, and it should not be dismissed.
Gilbert TaylorBooklistIntelligent....Well-organized, briskly written advocacy.
Jae-Ha KimChicago Sun-TimesImpassioned...
Andrea NealThe Indianapolis StarShalit assails a culture in which "scoring" is a virtue, but acting like ladies and gentlemen is not. Old-fashioned? Perhaps. Persuasive? Absolutely.
Sandee BrawarskyJewish WeekWhen [Shalit] speaks of modesty, she talks about mystery, innocence and sexual reticence, about protecting romantic hope and vulnerability. It's a natural instinct, a lost idea
-- a virtue found in the Bible that has gone out of fashion, but, of late, finding new adherents. She explains that modesty comes from a sense of self-respect and confidence, qualities she exudes.
Melinda Ledden SidakThe Weekly StandardExcellent argument...
Catherine MuscatThe Dartmouth ReviewWhat makes Wendy Shalit's analysis so refreshing is that she examines and justifies the nature of sexual modesty through rational discourse, rather than relying solely on the increasingly remote influence of religion....While Shalit's assault on sexual promiscuity is not to be taken lightly, she manages to infuse some humor in her discourse.
James P. PinkertonNew York NewsdayA Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue is strong evidence that the backlash against Monica Lewinsky will come, not from her elders, but from her youngers.
Dorothea StrausBaltimore SunA Return to Modesty shows that its author has read, widely, on the sociology of sex...[it] is not a memoir, and Wendy Shalit avoids the embarrassing personal confessions in vogue at present. She tells us almost nothing of her own sexual experience. Is this "pudeur"...?
Morgan N. KnullCampusIn this slashing critique of "the world of postmodern sexual morality," A Return to Modesty surveys a cultural landscape in which people often select automobiles with more passion than lovers....Written with sophistication, wit, and compassion that never becomes preachy...
Andrew M. GreeleyFlorida Port St. Lucie News[Shalit is] outspoken, funny, very bright...because she is clever, unafraid, and outspoken, her voice is going to be heard for a long time...
David GelernterAuthor of Drawing LifeMiss Shalit...wants to change things, and arrives with proposals in hand....[She] deserves credit not only for an important piece of writing but for courage in the line of duty.
Edith Kurzweileditor of Partisan Review and author of Freudians and FeministsIn this book Wendy Shalit brilliantly demonstrates how our views of natural modesty have been perverted by ideology....Her book is a tour de force everyone should read and reflect upon. It is a return to first-rate sociology without jargon, an examination of the values of the culture at the end of our century.
Gertrude Himmelfarbauthor of Marriage and Morals Among the VictoriansWendy Shalit's invocation of some old virtues is nothing less than a prescription for a new sexual revolution.
Norman LammPresident, Yeshiva UniversityWritten with style, passion, and plenty of wit, this volume will signal the beginning of a new trend.
Robin WestProfessor of Law, Georgetown University, and author of Caring for Justice.Wendy Shalit has written a book for all of us -- feminists, antifeminists, conservatives, and liberals. By reclaiming modesty, Shalit argues, we might reclaim not only an overlooked but essential cornerstone of a good and stable life, but also a source of merriment and joy
-- the wellspring for a virtuous and secret eroticism that puts a twinkle in the eye, and shines rather than tarnishes the heart.
Philadelphia Bulletin, March 27, 2009
...Author Wendy Shalit To Speak In Philadelphia ?So the battle for the soul of feminism goes on,? writes Wendy Shalit in her book The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels With Self-Esteem and ...
Philadelphia Bulletin, March 22, 2009
...The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels With Self-Esteem and High Standards (Ballantine Books, 352 pages, $15), by Wendy Shalit, is an honest look at the status of our culture. You might call Mrs. Shalit a feminist, yet here, she challenges ...
The Wisconsin Jewish Chronicle, February 19, 2009
...When Wendy Shalit moved from Whitefish Bay to Williams College, in Williamstown, Mass., she didn?t expect that a decision related to bathrooms would launch her career. Students at the small liberal ...
