Books > Race You to the Fountain of Youth >

Excerpts

Contents

Ready, Set, Groan................... 1

The Female Team......................3

Physical Changes of the Over-Forty Woman...............5

I Am Woman, Where'd I Go?...........................5

Corn Pads Are Just Another Way of Saying Happy Birthday. . 9

I'm Not Dead Yet (But Parts of Me Are Fading Fast)....... . 11

The Botox Chronicles...........................13

Things We Did Back Then That We're Paying for Now.... . 19

Is It Really Possible?. . 20

All in How You Look at It ..................23

A Woman's Advantages in Living to One Hundred....... . 23

Fifty Cents and Two Box Tops...................... . 24

Can't Take It With You......................... . 27

Video Farewells......................... . 31

A Few Minor Adjustments...................... . 35

Driving Tips............................ 35

Temporary, Nonsurgical Procedures for the

Budget-Minded Woman over Forty................... 39

Popular Sports Adjusted for the Woman over Forty. . 41

The Boomer-Friendly Mall...........................43

Getting Out the Vote...........................46

If Menopausal Women Ruled the World................ . 49

Taking Care............................ 51

Dream Doctor...........................51

You Are What You Eat............................ 57

How to Calculate Your Real Age........................59

A Woman's Guide to Living Longer. . 61

Times Change............................ 63

We Interrupt This Program......................... . 63

Mom or Grandma?............................ 65

Desperate Grandmas...........................67

You Know You're

Getting Older When................ . 69

Why Exercise Sometimes Doesn't Work................ . 70

Bigger Isn't Always Better........................71

Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives.... . 73

The Black Hole of Passwords......................... 74

A Million Isn't What It Used to Be.....................76

The Race Goes On...........................77

Things We Still Don't Know After All These Years.........77

Head Knowledge............................... .79

Making Our Voices Heard......................... . 80

Getting Close......................... . 82

Running Neck and Neck: Obstacles and Racing Tips for Both the Male and Female Teams..................85

Upside and Downside of Turning Fifty..................86

Signs Your Eyesight Could Be Worsening................ 87

Working Till We Drop...........................88

Acting Their Age...................... . 91

Custom Exercise Equipment and Clothing for the Baby Boomer. . 92

Collectible Hits and Misses......................... 97

The Male Team..............................99

Health............................... 103

Fear and Loathing in the Waiting Room................ 103

He Died of What?...........................106

Denial Is Not Just a River..........................109

Why I Distrust Doctors...........................112

The Executive Physical................... 115

Hypochondria (Or Why I'm Pretty Sure I've Contracted Western Spotted Elk Diphtheria)................... . 118

The U.S. Health-Care System (Or Why I'm Looking at Property in Canada)......................... . 120

Where'd You Get Your Degree?........................123

Dr. Bruce............................ . 126

The World's Oldest People......................... . 128

Supplements: Modern-Day Pet Rocks?................ . 130

Appearance..................133

Vanity, Thy Name Is Ralph............. . 133

Gimme a Head With Hair......................... 136

Gee, Your Head Looks Terrific...................... . 139

Botox for Men...........................142

Our Aging Presidents................ . 145

Calf Implants............................ 147

Dressing to Please......................... . 149

Trends.................................. . 151

Da Do Ron Ron............................ 151

Th-th-that's

All, Folks!............. . 153

Another Reason to Take Care of Yourself: Drive-Through Mortuaries...........................155

Dad or Granddad?......................... . 157

The Polar Bear Club............................159

I Can't Drive Fifty-five After I Turn Fifty-five............. 161

Staying in School -- Forever............. . 164

Everybody's Working for the Weekend....... . 166

Large-Print Books......................... 168

Honey, They Shrunk My Brain................ 170

Exercise.....................173

No Pain, No Gain...........................173

The Bench Press................... 176

Presidents: They Love to Run!......................... . 178

What Do They Want?................... 181

Jack LaLanne......................... 184

The Longevity Test...........................185

What Have We Learned?...........................189

And the Winner Is............................ . 193

About the Authors......................... 195