CHAPTER 1

How Weird Am I, Anyway?

"I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird."

Frank Zappa (Baltimore Sun, October 12, 1986)

This book exists on the premise that somebody, somewhere, is interested in who I am, how I got that way, and what the fuck I'm talking about.

To answer Imaginary Question Number One, let me begin by explaining WHO I AM NOT. Here are two popular 'Frank Zappa Legends'...

Because I recorded a song called "Son of Mr. Green Genes" on the Hot Rats album in 1969, people have believed...