YOU BETTER WATCH OUT
It seems that Santa may be losing control of his “personal brand.” Every December there are news stories about Santa Claus robbing a bank, getting a DUI, or violating his probation. Even worse, convicted sex offenders are sometimes found out and fired from their jobs as mall Santas. Many cities around the world host annual Santa pub crawls, where inebriated hoards dressed in red suits gather to engage in various shenanigans.
I even googled “Santa Claus Porn”—you know, just to see how deep the depravity runs—and was amazed to find more than 800,000 results. I spent hours and hours closely investigating each one of these sites (with disgust) until the library asked me to leave. Do you remember how you felt when you found out Santa Claus wasn’t real? Imagine stumbling upon a video called “Christmas in July,” where the main character’s name is July, and Santa’s wearing assless chaps.
Yet despite all this, parents still willingly line up to plop their tots in a strange man’s lap. We owe it to ourselves—nay, our children—to take a closer look at how this all started.
© 2010 Will Zweigart