YOU BETTER WATCH OUT
It seems that Santa may be losing control of his “personal brand.” Every December there are news stories about Santa Claus robbing a bank, getting a DUI, or violating his probation. Even worse, convicted sex offenders are sometimes found out and fired from their jobs as mall Santas. Many cities around the world host annual Santa pub crawls, where inebriated hoards dressed in red suits gather to engage in various shenanigans.
I even googled “Santa Claus Porn”—you know, just to see how deep the depravity runs—and was amazed to find more than 800,000 results. I spent hours...