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You're Not Doing It Right

You're Not Doing It Right

Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other Humiliations

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Following his first book of hilarious essays in My Custom Van, Michael Ian Black expands his commentary to the subject that has made him one of the most-followed celebrities on Twitter: his irreverent take on the joys of suburban family life.

In the tradition of Christian Lander’s hipster/yuppie-friendly bestselling catalog of observations in Stuff White People Like, Michael Ian Black delivers his unique brand of quirky, deadpan humor in this new collection of comedic essays. Now that Black has become the guy he swore he’d never be—a Yuppie A-Hole—he has a lot to say about his family life in suburbia, and he shares his incisive yet absurd observations with readers in Clappy as a Ham.

Chronicling his adventures from cruising the neighborhood for his inevitable future “divorce house” (despite being happily married) to listening to Lite FM and realizing he loves it, Black delivers his straightfaced musings with the same sardonic humor that has earned him a rabid cult following. Want to know the pros and cons of Kashi GoLean Crunch or why kindergarten recitals are so boring? Looking for tips for lying to your kids about Santa? Clever, dry, and laugh-out-loud funny, Clappy as a Ham will “blow your mind all over your face” just like My Custom Van.
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  • Gallery Books | 
  • 256 pages | 
  • ISBN 9781439167953 | 
  • February 2012
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Black on Black

In this provocative and candid interview, Michael Ian Black interviews himself about his new memoir about himself.

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Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1
a girl problem


She already has a boyfriend. Which should have been obvious. Girls like that always have boyfriends. Everybody agrees she is beautiful—and not in a “girl next door” kind of way, either. Instead, there is something about the way she carries herself and the way she looks—tall, angular, blonde—that suggests this is not a person to be trifled with. In a James Bond movie, she would be the supervillain’s icy girlfriend, the one with razor blades tucked into her high heels.

Even her old-fashioned, fuddy-duddy name is attractive to me: Martha. It is... see more

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